As I sat on the edge of the bathtub, rinsing the poop off my ten month old after a massive blow out – I thought to myself; “I used to be cool.” When did I turn into the woman that is at peace and in love with the chubby butt I’m washing versus being the woman whose main goal was getting VIP into the best clubs in Las Vegas?
Often times I catch a glance of myself in the mirror – hair in a ponytail, minimal make up, wearing my glasses again because I don’t have time to refill my contact order and I think – where’s that cool girl?
I believe that in Motherhood there are things we are going to inevitably lose when we are focusing so much on keeping a household together. I think some things shouldn’t be missed and others will always be missed. Like, I miss my pre baby stomach – but not my every weekend partying habits. I miss the beautiful stilettos that I used to wear but not the pack of cigarettes I had tucked in my matching clutch. I miss my alone time, reading a new book weekly, shopping, having uninterrupted phone conversations and getting in my car and driving anywhere I want at any given time. But these are the things that are worth giving up to be called “Mom”. You see, we can get all of that back – the years of raising children are something we will never get back.
How do we keep a piece of ourselves under all that mothering?
Just this week, after an 8 hour work day, home cooked breakfast and dinner, the clean up to both meals and some basic house chores – I looked in the living room and saw an empty bag of donuts, dirty socks thrown around, Xbox controllers and games strung everywhere and I lost it. “I AM NOT A MAID!” Why can’t I be seen? Why am I just a fixture at the sink? Washing machine? Behind the wheel of the car? I understand children don’t get it – I didn’t get it either, until I was a Mom. But, I’m more than a dishwasher, clean clothes folder, taxi cab driver, bill payer and butt wiper. I love the theater, music, books, dancing, photography, and great food with adult company. So – how can we have it all?
It’s so very important to keep pieces of yourself, to hold on to them with all of your might, tuck them away if need be; but don’t lose the parts of you that make you ….you.
Here is a list of things to keep a bit of yourself through this amazing journey of parenting:
- Mini shopping “sprees”:
You don’t always have to purchase your makeup at the local grocery store. Schedule some time to break away, get a full face makeover and then drop some dough on high end product that makes you feel beautiful. Check with local department stores or specialty make up stores and ask when they’re running promotions so you can get a free gift with purchase too.
- Don’t share your snacks:
That’s right Moms, you don’t have to share! Pick up your favorite sweet and shove your face (before you pick up your kids) and laugh to yourself of how fun it is to be a little sneaky.
- Schedule adult time:
Make a goal of once a month getting out without kids. Whether for date night, couple’s night, girl’s night or even some alone time – get away from being a Mom. I tell my oldest all of the time that Mommy needs “me” time so I can get a break and be a better Mom.
- Take a class:
This can be exercise, hobby or college course. It’s perfect because it’s a way to develop yourself in the areas that you are passionate about.
Regardless of what it you choose to do – do something. It’s true, when you have children you lose who you were. But, you gain an entire new identity and with balance between the woman you want to be and the mother you want to be; you can redefine and work towards being the best version of yourself.
Oh, and I found that cool girl. Driving down the road, having a dance party in the car, my eight year old looks at me with a big smile and says “I Love You Mom.”
Who needs Vegas?